Situation: My husband is thirty-five years old, holds an MBA, and owns and operates his own business—he is an intelligent, self- motivated man. Unfortunately, he has gained a lot of weight in the fourteen years that we’ve been married. I lost quite a bit of weight a few years ago and am working hard to keep it off.
Last week he told me that he was ready to lose weight and would like to follow the eating plan that I followed to lose my weight. What I can’t understand is why he won’t take the time to learn about the plan himself. Instead, he keeps firing off questions, like “Can I eat bread?” or “Can I have one chicken thigh or two?” I am getting frustrated with him. It feels as if I’m doing all the work. Any sugges- tions on how I can get him more involved?Strategies: While it may be hard to accept, you should see your hus- band’s reliance as a compliment to you and not laziness on his part. Because he sees that you are successfully keeping the weight that you lost off, he believes that you know what you’re doing. Hence, he is going to you—the expert—to get the information he needs to get started. As he, too, starts to see success, he will likely want to have a better understanding of the whats and whys of what you’re telling him to do. But from his point of view, there’s no need to take the time to learn the details until he has a reason (for example, he’s having success, wants it to continue, and knows that he’ll need to know more than he does now to keep it going). For now, just answer his questions and focus on creating his success. Have faith that in time he will want to know more. When he starts asking more in-depth questions, that will be the time to give him some reading materials.
Last week he told me that he was ready to lose weight and would like to follow the eating plan that I followed to lose my weight. What I can’t understand is why he won’t take the time to learn about the plan himself. Instead, he keeps firing off questions, like “Can I eat bread?” or “Can I have one chicken thigh or two?” I am getting frustrated with him. It feels as if I’m doing all the work. Any sugges- tions on how I can get him more involved?Strategies: While it may be hard to accept, you should see your hus- band’s reliance as a compliment to you and not laziness on his part. Because he sees that you are successfully keeping the weight that you lost off, he believes that you know what you’re doing. Hence, he is going to you—the expert—to get the information he needs to get started. As he, too, starts to see success, he will likely want to have a better understanding of the whats and whys of what you’re telling him to do. But from his point of view, there’s no need to take the time to learn the details until he has a reason (for example, he’s having success, wants it to continue, and knows that he’ll need to know more than he does now to keep it going). For now, just answer his questions and focus on creating his success. Have faith that in time he will want to know more. When he starts asking more in-depth questions, that will be the time to give him some reading materials.
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